Things that Were Touchy-Feely: My 16th Birthday

Despite looming inclement weather (yes, April has held true to dumping down more liquid than a bus full of school children after a stop at a Long Island Taco Bell) a healthy host of gang outers ganged up on the Red Derby to kick the crap out of their front bay window. While other attempts to destroy the bay windows of bars were more effective, this gathering clearly packed a good punch.

From Jenga sabotagery to tumbling beer can towers - from swine flu on one side to mad cow disease on the other - from gory scars from the Delaware wilderness to renditions of 90's punk rock that could shatter an old lady's bifocals... little was held back from the cluster of tables in the window - save decency and a little respect for the obsequious.

And should you have been so unlucky as to have chanced upon the bad ass biking crew that stormed out not long before the Witching Hour (and even the most righteous who may have - no joke - caught a newborn that popped from the womb that very day could not be spared, cuz aye, one of this ilk was among the pack) you would have been remiss not to mention that their bike locks were big, that their boxes were bigger, and that the Schlitz in their hand was damn near the bestest brew that ever spouted forth from a can.

Now was it Schlitz's or was it Dale's? Was it Natty Boh's or was it Baltica 5? Posing such a juvenile inquiry would have left you bloody on the sidewalk, because clearly such an query is like comparing apples to oranges. Obviously, the right answer was "Star Wars." Know your audience: a literate little literalist on the littered littoral - literally... like (Lumpy Bumpy) lickorish... sort of.

Red Derby

May*.

What a glorious month. Did you know that May is:

Asian Pacific American Heritage Month
Mental Health Awareness Month
National Military Appreciation Month
New Zealand Music Month
Older Americans Month

And, just recently decreed, the Month of Bess.

The Official Gang Out Photographer and Videographer is retiring. She is leaving us pictureless and videoless to go to East Timor. Sad times. However, because it is the Month of Bess, we are going to kick it off in style. B Star recently told me that if she could have one wish come true, it would be a gang out at the Red Derby. And so, in honor of B Star, there will be no poll this week. Red Derby it is.

*Yeah, I know. Tomorrow is April 29. Not May. Whatever...

STANding in the Underworld.. with slugs

Back to reality - whup, there goes gravity! Yup, we fell straight into the trap... Stan's does not at all rhyme with Dan's - nor does it allow alarmingly large liquor drinks with mixers that make a thimble's worth look generous - nor does it exist in the underground (i.e. the netherworld). Actually, this is all a big lie. Stan's downtown basement provided a unique venue for springtime re-uniting, first-time gang-out-ers, and a some friggin' tall-ass glasses of gin.

Team Gang Out was a bit divided (due to awesomeness) between a few parts of the bar. Much of this dispersion had to do with aggressive waiters who were very intent on us ordering the special not-so specials. If you thought not-so specials were special, you should try slugging with a NoVA slugger who, much to her excitement, finds that her seemingly not-so special warming of the passenger seat (even if silent until called upon per slugging protocol) allows someone to abide by the law, get to work on time, and save some friggin' Carbon, too.

Word. None other than the Flaming Lips were tamed by none other than a greasy bag of fries from Five Guys. Join us next week for a whole new month of awesomeness that some have dubbed, "Month of Bess."

Tonight's Bar: STAN'S

And the winner is...Stan's Restaurant & Cocktail Lounge! Hope to see you there!

Stan's Restaurant & Cocktail Lounge
1029 Vermont Ave NW
From Yelp: "Stan's isn't a hole in the wall, it's a hole in the basement." It seems to have a similar concept as Dan's Cafe, where the drinks are mix-it-yourself and the alcohol is flowing!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/stans-restaurant-and-bar-washington#hrid:O_v-xklqDKlh-qJ6UnCnrw

This Week: Random Downtown Bars You've Never Been To Before

Ever walked around downtown and noticed an intriguing bar sign for some random dive? This week, we'll check one of those bars out!

Here are the options:

Black Rooster Pub
1919 L Street, NW
http://www.blackroosterpub.com/
Self-Proclaimed The "Cheers" of Washington, DC
On Wednesdays, they have half-priced wings and happy hours drinks till 8

Recessions
1823 L St NW
http://www.yelp.com/biz/recessions-washington
We went here about a year ago. Ginormous beers for really cheap! And you can buy a $25 gift certificate to Recessions for $10 at Restaurant.com here

Post Pub
1422 L St NW
This bar has made a few appearances on our voting list but has never been selected. A good downtown dive!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/post-pub-washington

Stan's Restaurant & Cocktail Lounge
1029 Vermont Ave NW
From Yelp: "Stan's isn't a hole in the wall, it's a hole in the basement." It seems to have a similar concept as Dan's Cafe, where the drinks are mix-it-yourself and the alcohol is flowing!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/stans-restaurant-and-bar-washington#hrid:O_v-xklqDKlh-qJ6UnCnrw

The Rain Did Not Pass us Over

The wonderfully gracious staff at Zorba's were once again marvelously hospitable to the various dietary needs at the table - and early on a Passover observer said to the group, "no one can drink beer." Indeed this was a sad day for mankind, and eating grout and bitter herbs did most certainly sound better than such a harsh reality.

Thankfully, this was simply a misunderstanding. So the relatively small (and damp) group of Gang Outers moved on to wheatier pastures (most certainly avoiding all things that may have been leavened or overly yeasty) and found themselves in Costa Rica, East Timor, Malaysia, Jordan, and French Guiana (or was it Guinea? - same f'ing thing...)

Rib cages were broken (or fractured) - but we couldn't tell if it was the laughter, the vinaigre, or the mistreatment of an absent Au Pair. Epiphanies were most certainly had, and surely they were artistic - but we weren't able to discern whether they were sculpture-like, semi-poetic song-like (and kind of like super-famous for the over-forty crowd), or whether it was the performance art of Elijah drinking his Manischevitz and leaving without actually drinking it at all or ever stopping by in a very Da Da kind of way.

Coffee was a popular topic of conversation - or should we say rap... what's your grind? Heightening the experience and the aromas, Greek coffee (shhh! it's actually Jordanian and Anderson Cooper loves it (shhh! it's actually Cyprian and you've wasted half your saturday (shhh! it's actually Turkish and it has nothing to do with coconut shavings, but a lot to do with steeped sugar (too soon?)))) was sipped by a few relatively damp souls that may have been passed over by God him- (or her-) self, but most certainly not by the God of Rain...

For some, we say "Dayenu!!" For others, we say, "à Boby!!"

No goats were harmed in the writing of this message.

Seder City

Hey people,

In case there are some people in our Jew-rich group of socializing Papilionoidea, this week begins Pesach, (Passover) Festival of the Pascal Lamb. Many of us will be celebrating our first seder of the year and we will be unable to join the usual festivities associated with that most timely of hump days, Wednesday. However, that being said, there may be some options for HH this week. Stay tuned!

Also, there is a second night seder brewing at Chez Rosenberg's. If you didn't get the evite, sorry. You're welcome to come, just let me know as soon as possible and if you might entertain the idea of bringing something edible, preferable for Jews as well.

Lastly, I have a suggestion for the week following; Zorba's Cafe. Here is the old HH email for that week, as I recall it was a lot of fun (don't remember getting home).
The Event: Happy Hour Extravaganza Passover Style

Where: Zorba's Café, 1612 20th Street, NW, Washington, D.C. 20009, about 30 yards north of the Q street exit at Dupont on the West side.
202-387-8555 http://www.zorbascafe.com/
Super duper convenient!

What: Depending on your religion, and from whence it comes (Sephardic, Ashkenazi) you can consume; everything, rice and corn, nothing at all. The food here is excellent and incredibly cheap. Any and all food can be had. Boxes of matzohs will be provided by yours truly, as will several bottles of kosher wine (Manishevitz(I might only have Malaga which can kill a horse, anyone will Concord grape is welcome to bring theirs) and otherwise). There is a corkage fee of $9 per bottle/negotiable. All alcoholic beverages must be drunk. No open bottles can leave the premises. That means…fun! There are wonderful tzatikis, hummus platters, great fries, olives, skordalia (potato dip) among other great food that is Pesach friendly. If you eat rice, well, you're set for life, aren't you? Also excellent pizza, but we won't talk about that.
For those of us who are not culinarily inhibited this week, there are also $2.75 mugs of Rolling Rock, $3.50 mugs of Sam Adams, $3.75 for Heineken, Becks, Corona, Guinness, and Amstel Light, $2.95 for Coors, Bud, and Miller! Can you believe it? No?

Why: Rebellion. Who needs to eat cold turkey leftovers for 8 days. Not you that's who! You can go out, eat great food, for a ridiculously low price, and get plastered on horrifically sweet wine! Fly in the face of the dreary tradition of splashing some room temperature butter on that card board. Ich! Kick it out the window. Break out of that horrible rut and get some!

We'll see you at Zorba's Café tomorrow evening. Get there early or you might miss out on all the provided goodies.
If there was a day to leave work on time, IT'S TOMORROW! SEE YOU THERE!

It's Mother F*ing April, Fools (but the Gods just don't care)

April showers didn't keep tonight's cumulative group of close to 15 from turning out. And despite what some might have viewed as inclement weather, Gang Out took advantage of one of the season's rare opportunities to be outdoors with relatively muted pollen pollution - thank you Zeus for using Poseidon to aggress Maia... a good beginning to the evening, Janus - good form!

Gang Outers gathered for heavenly conversation under the relative shelter of a fortuitously-placed outdoor tent that was not entirely shielded from the elements (even stuffed cats that looked like owls). Wings, a deep variety of beers, and even a forearm-building gyroscope kept the crew alive until one fateful moment when such a rabble-rousing statement - surely an invocation of Libitina - was made: "Guys are much worse off when microbes get up their [thing] because there are two [tubes] that get messed up."

Believe you me, Vesta nearly fainted, Priapus was disappointed and Diana salivated for what was to come - surely this could only be madness. Thank goodness that Lucina was being spared in this most fellatious of dinner table conversations (and that goes without saying for dear Faunus).

Bacchus continued to toy with Terminus as comfortable, PC boundaries were crossed with greater and greater frequency. And when the Jasons had long gone and talk of garden-building, tee-shirt-making and "just taking it easy" had gone, even Appollo and Pomona could not keep this Gang Out crew from wallowing in wingspeeds of African and European swallows, in exploits with science teachers underneath the Gateway Arch, in machete talk, and in chest hair - and deep in chesthair, at that.

And while Juno may never protect the utterer of said question, but at least Priapus understands the need for such inquiry, check back next time to help answer this timeless question: "Do women have grundles?" Only Voluptas can say!